I attempted to write a bit yesterday but was sidetracked by …well life.
On Sunday my little sister K graduated from college and most all of the family was able to make it to the ceremony and then out to eat. During these excursions Little W gets held most of the day. She likes that quite a lot. Sunday she also spent more time in a car seat than she ever had before. She did not like that. With all of the attention, action, and changes from Sunday- yesterday was a nightmare for me. I hadn’t gotten much sleep – and was still worn down from Sunday’s activities (and from sitting on a hard bleacher while trying to bounce/hold/cuddle a babe). First thing first was a nice load of diaper laundry that was really needed since I was gone all day Sunday. Little W had to wear a few disposables that morning, which reminded me how puffy a cotton hugged bottom really is!
The big thing was she would not sleep. She cried over and over and the only times she stopped was when someone walked her around or she nursed. She has never been that baby. Her cries were loud and sometimes a bit piercing. I was exhausted, Mr. V was also tired from his work week, and I knew Little W was fighting sleep like a mad woman. She usually is a good napper, even taking her naps in the living room where we are, but she only napped for about 25 minutes yesterday on the bed with me beside her. She did wake up in a decent mood but that only lasted a few minutes. I was planning on going in to work at 1PM but my career is my family so that always comes first. I got called in around 3:30PM and went in just as I was, which I knew looked pretty haggard but I couldn’t mind. The director of the center has 4 kids so she knows how it is. I worked for about an hour or so and then went home to the same scene I had left. The break was alright but it wasn’t a nap so nothing really changed on my front. The funny thing about Little W is that she knows when it is time for bed. We have never had trouble with her night sleep. By 9:30PM last night she was out cold and slept until 2AM, just like normal.
This morning she woke up ready for the day. I was not. I still felt as if I needed a few more hours of sleep, so I went into the bathroom after changing her and got ready for the day, even though I didn’t feel like it. I thought to myself, this is how the Proverbs woman must have felt, tired. I then closed my eyes and asked God to give me some strength. I immediately felt better. I was able to put a smile on my face and go snuggle some with my daughter. I was still tired. But I was alright.
I’ve come across this a lot recently. When I was younger I used to just let myself feel things that I tried to handle myself. I wanted to control how my day went by just dealing with it. I never just honestly and simply asked God for the strength. I never asked him openly with my heart. I might have said it a few times, but I never really asked for it. You have to be at that place where you already know you can’t do anything good without Him, and then you need to ask Him to help you out, honestly. I can say that every time I have asked for guidance or strength or help it has been there. We just have to be honest, and let our own ideas of taking care of ourselves go. We have to fully be reliant every time and we will always find the strength to go on.
I know that some women may scoff at the triviality of my exhaustion, “just wait until she can crawl/talk/drive etc..”, but what I am trying to convey is how our need is met, not what the need is. To me, this was my greatest need this morning, and it was met.