I went out this morning and bought diapers today. For the first time. They are expensive. (Duh, right?) I always knew they were, but now I KNOW they are. This isn’t the first time something besides fluffy cotton has touched my daughter’s bum, she was in disposables for the first month of her life. See, me in all of my ‘soon-to-be-mom’ wisdom figured that my baby would be at least 8 pounds. I was over 8 pounds. All of my mother’s children were around 8 pounds. Mr. V was smaller, but his mother explains it with that he was birthed earlier than she would have liked. So, in my own thinking, why could I spend more money buying special prefolds and covers for a newborn, who would only fit into them until around 9-10 pounds? If I went with the regular infant ones, which started at 8 pounds, I would be fine. Well, you would not know it now, but Little W met the world weighing in at 6 pounds, 8 ounces. Enter the graciously given disposable diapers in newborn sizes.
Little W, 5 months old on the beach
Our current dilemma is with non other than the well known baby detergent, Dreft. I left our Charlie’s Soap in Florida so I needed a quick fix. I saw that many people had success with County Save, but I couldn’t find any at our local Wal Mart. I then just started looking for something that didn’t have whiteners, brighteners, or softeners. I finally grabbed Dreft, because I thought it would work for the week or so it took to get our old Charlie’s back or order a new bag through Amazon. I know Dreft has worked for some of you on diapers, because I read the message boards before making a decision. I also saw that the enzymes can break out babies. She broke out. Little W has only gotten diaper rash once in her life before this, so I knew that she was reacting to the soap. And can I mention, THE SUDS, oh THE SUDS that come with that detergent. I am used to a low-to-none sudsing detergent and I was blown away with how sudsy the water got. I had to rinse out the diapers 4 or 5 times and still the babe got some sort of rash.
So I went to the store this morning with the babe in tow to pick out some cheap(er) diapers to last a few days. It was raining. Little W has been teething (one already broke through, the one beside it soon to follow) and was drooling something fierce all down her pink shirt. I grabbed her, the keys, and my little change purse and went into the store. I juggled through the U-Check area. I paid with credit. (We currently do not budget for diapers, so we have no left over spending for that…) What little change (around $1) I had in my change purse I dumped in a fireman’s boot outside the automatic doors for muscular dystrophy. The fireman looked at me and smiled, saying enthusiastically, “Thank you so much! We really appreciate it! Thank you!” I thought he was just being nice until I noticed he hardly said anything to the lady after me who dropped in 5 bucks. As I made my way to the car (I was driving our round about town car, which is older with missing paint and one window that doesn’t fully shut.. in the rain) I thought, That man must think I am poor. It kind of made me laugh, him thinking I am this great Samaritan, giving away my last change. I mean, we could be considered broke a lot of the time, but we are hardly poor!
I first thought about how many moms get the “poor you” stare. They may not be broke, but look disheveled, tired, and surrounded by kids and groceries to feed an army. I know this morning I was juggling a teething infant, a bag of diapers, keys, and a change purse in the rain. I am sure my hair did the thing it does when humidity touches it. I’m sure he saw Little W’s slobber soaked front. It doesn’t upset me in the least bit, and honestly it is all hypothetical. He might not have been thinking anything at all besides, “Two more hours, two more hours…” but it did make me think a bit.
I also thought about how people respond to you differently depending on how you look. I wonder, how he would have responded if I had been driving our nicer family car, and left Little W in her car seat and just pushed her around in a cart? Even more so if I had make-up on or if my husband was with me. He might have acted the same. I just always wonder, because it is SO interesting how people respond to what they perceive.
I know there is an area here that I need to work on. Although I try hard not to internally judge people negatively, I catch my face changing while watching some people. I might not even realize I am smiling or scowling or giving the “What is going on?” face. Inside I am really not thinking too much about these people, but my face sure makes it look as if I am. I am attempting to be more aware of what my face is doing, especially when I am in my own head. I tend to look rather hard when really I am just thinking of things deep inside my mind and paying no attention to what my eyes or lips are doing! I can say I do a much better job at this now than a few years ago. Time and patience and practice.
So, even though Dreft has left residue in my washing machine and turned our diapers into rash monsters, I am glad the insight given through this experience can bring about something new to chew on. Speaking of chewing, I really wish the fireman handed me a tootsie roll instead of a sticker.